Pain and so much of it… What a day.. I had 25 missed calls when I got home now I know why. Word gets around my former friends now know and is whispering and tittle-tattle around me. The best friends tell me straight away what a shit I’m. I made everybody disapointed and upset everybody hates me and say. -’Hey fix this stupid’… I can’t sleep, can’t eat I’m loosing it. I’m getting a divorce… I talked for hours and hours with my wife yesterday. Did not even have the strength to be nice, I’m such a shit. She wants to fix it, I say I can’t I don’t love you. Still I had the strength to not tell about you Gwen that would acctully make it worse not better atleast in the long run, for now could not care less. I said it so many times ‘I don’t love you’. Was like I had a knife I stabbed and stabbed and felt like I was killing her, murdering her. Hurting somebody that much I can’t, will never do it again… And still I’m doing it again right now. I know I’m doing the same to you I’m hurting you to so bad. I hurt all people around me and I can’t stand myself. I can’t help it I can’t get you out of my mind but can’t really do anything more about it… Torment and pain…
Minutes feels like hours. Hours like Days. I feel so empty and lost.
I turn this around right now. I will not contact you anymore, not call or e-mail you. Give you a chance to get on your feet. I will not be this selfish I can’t stand it. I will put my grief on this blog. Take a minute at a time. If and when you need me you know where I’m, I can wait.
Yours Forever!
Tommy
